Gems

Red cups, liquor bottles, beer cans, and bottle caps litter the floor as I shuffle my way through...my own home. I am very grateful to have such loyal friends who woke up early to clean my house after a week of insane partying.

"I love college."

I also love my friends for spending time with me on Independence Day, because with my parents out of town, I thought I was going to be lonely. Contrary to my belief, I actually had people by my side all day, and some even chose to stay over to keep me company because I hate going to sleep in an empty house. However, I love waking up to an empty one, which they also made sure to leave for me.

Sitting there on a blanket in the grass, waiting for the fireworks show to begin, and eating BBQ with bugs flying around us, I couldn't help but marvel at how valuable friendship is. I will never ever throw them away. I feel bad for those sorry souls who feel superior because they throw away all their friends when they hop on the relationship train. So sad.

I love my friends.

Mean Girl

After reluctantly leaving early from the very interesting Board of Trustees meeting to petition for my English 102 class, I was put on blast by the professor and shunned from my class. He said he would email me "in a couple" days about whether I could add his class. Great, so I left a vital meeting early to be turned away from a class that is crucial to my major. Turns out, I was actually enrolled in the class; as I was walking down the hall, he had a student call me back and apologize on his behalf. How noble.

Towards the end of class he told us to write about a song, movie, or poem that we view as valuable literature. "...anything is fine, except for something like Britney Spears' 'Oops, I Did it Again'. Just pick something meaningful, write about a page about it, and after that you may leave."

I opted to challange myself and write about a song that I have recently connected with. I find this song very easy to relate to because it is about a girl that always puts herself in a rut by leading men on. Since I live a life in which a platonic relationship with a straight male is nearly impossible, this song holds a lot of meaning to me.

After writing a kickass paper, I tore it out of my notebook, walked up to the front of the class and shoved it in the tool's face. I walked away laughing.

The title of my paper was: "Literary Judgement: 'Oops, I Did it Again' by Britney Spears"

Insufficient

My dad wrote a letter of complaint to my school telling them that I should be paid for all the service I put in throughout the year. He also won't let me get a job for fear that I will be spreading myself too thin, and feels as though the checks he writes me every week will suffice. Ok Dr. Lam.

In the meantime...

What's a 20-year-old girl to do when she recieves triple digits from her dad every week? Fashion Island, here I come.

Spring General Assembly

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA After a hectic weekend of workshops, heart break, campaigning, speech writing, networking, no sleep, endless nerves barely eating, chain smoking, region meetings, voting, more campaigning, and intense debating, I finally achieved what I have been working on since November of 2007.

I was elected an At-Large Senator for the Student Senate for California Community Colleges at this weekend's conference. I probably gave the most powerful speech out of all thirty-one candidates, and got the third highest amount of votes. My friends were awesome when it came to campaigning for me. I barely went around and talked to people, because I was too self-absorbed with my own drama. Nonetheless, I applaud myself for achieving my year-long goal.

Now I'm on to govern over 2.8 million students state-wide.

Oh politics. <3

Considerations

After a night of intense studying, hot showers, tequila shots, and (of course) many cigarettes, I am finally in bed with my dog anticipating tomorrow and contemplating tonight.

Another friend of mine has been trying to introduce me to her dear friend with facial hair. My question is: why does the whole world feel so compelled to set me up with someone now that I'm newly single?

In any case, Face Fur was adorable. A smart right brainer with a nice smile. He seems very thoughtful and considerate. Good deal right?

He's taken.

Summation

The Audrey Hepburn poster in my office now has a thought bubble that says, "So much to do...so little time."

Ironically, she is looking at my calendar.

180

I just woke up to the biggest panic attack.

Why the fuck do I lack so much motivation? I feel like time is running out and I don't have any reason to regain any sort of motivation or orginization.

But I have to. And I can. I will. Right?

Time is my biggest enemy in every aspect of my life right now; but the more I stand still and feel sorry for myself, the faster life will pass me by.

I need to get a grip. I'm desperately trying to grasp onto anything that will keep me sane right now, but every chance of orginization just slips away from me. WHAT is wrong with me?

So let's get something straight: I'm emotionally unstable. This emotional rollercoaster is, by far, the most unenjoyable ride I've ever been on in my life.

I blame the pill...or PMS.

Either way, a lesson has been learned: the pill combined with PMS is the bane of every woman on her road to success.

I feel better.

I think tomorrow, after bio, I'm going to sit down at my white board and figure my life out.

I can do this. HA!

I have successfully defeated my hormones. Really? So I screwed up, my job entails a lot of responsibilities, thus presenting a litany of mistakes that can be made. Should I have made them? No. But I did. And I'm learning. I am.

If I were perfect, I would be boring. I'm nineteen years old...I'm NINETEEN. Give me a break. I need to give myself a break seeing as no one else will. Nineteen. Geez Tina, relax. When I look back on my life, I don't want to see some loser who stressed over being student government president at some community college, I want to see a girl who took on a huge role, and came out of it a fucking genius.

Criticize me, I don't care; you're only making me stronger. You can throw empty criticism at me thinking I won't learn from my mistakes, but your lack of faith in me will only motivate me further. WOW, another thing I realized, I'm important enough to be on someone's mind and have them form endless opinions about me. I just realized: I'm pretty important. Okay...what now?

Time to live up to the perceptions...or defeat them.

I need to stop beating myself down. I will climb out of this hole I dug for myself. This is why I haven't really been crying to anybody. When everything is your fault, who can you blame but yourself? Crying in front of someone may be cathartic, but it also puts a burden on them. No one wants extra burdens. I've been keeping to myself and rightfully so; I got myself into this fucked up mess, and I WILL get myself out.

I don't care if I sound redundant in this entry. I need to. Plus this isn't for you, this was all for me. I'm the one who woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of a dream...about being in bio class. I guess that could have been interrupted.

Wow. Ok. I can do this.

Free Boost

I just realized how amazing I am.

After going through two weeks of absolute HELL with school, work, student government, and famiily issues (among many others), I realized: although it SUCKS how I have to deal with all this shit now, the fact that I actually have stuff to stress about makes my life pretty remarkable. As I was rushing back and forth from home and school, I noticed the beautiful flowers in bloom along the road. My life is beautiful, and no one can change that; I've decided to embrace my busy schedule and tell myself how amazing I am for having made it this far.

Funny how I'm feeling so elated even through PMS. LOVELY.

Really. It's lovely. I love my life right now.

The other day I had a mini breakdown as I was rampaging down the 55 freeway (nearly blinded by my own tears and listening to the symphony of my own screaming). Yeah. Life does that to you. But yesterday I realized just how important true friends are in times like these. We all need each other. I love all of my friends. :)

That's my post after being M.I.A. for about a month and a half. :)

Faking It

ORANGE COUNTY, CALIFORNIA. A place where everything was made so that you wouldn't have to venture any further than five miles from your residential bubble in order to find what you need. The parking spots are bigger, and the neighborhoods are smaller. People here are friendly...so long as we don't have to see each other and exchange that awkward "Hello". Greetings are rarely issued because with that you have to spend a good two minutes pretending to be interested in the person's current life. Faking interest is something that often happens at the mall, the super market, or even on the streets when you see your neighbors during your afternoon jog. There is an unwritten book of rules that every person abides by and the OCPD rarely has any real menace to break up, so they settle with issuing three-hundred-dollar fines to petty crimes such as Jay Walking. It's the perfect place to settle down, raise a family, and (especially) retire. It is not the place, however, to find love.

Here, the college scene is struggling to find an identity for itself, as we are in an age where we are just breaking free from the conservative mindsets instilled upon us by our parents. Labels have been taken to a whole new level. Not only do we wear nothing but brand name clothes, but we have also begun to embrace labels to describe ourselves. Most of the time people can't find an identity of their own so they settle with being an imitation of someone they long to be. In a city filled with men in search of who they really are, an equally lost woman would have just as much trouble finding herself let alone true love. That is not to say that there is a difference somewhere else.

Trust me, I've been "somewhere else" quite a few times now, and just recently I was informed of something I really wish I could forget I ever heard.

So here it is, another complication for an already complicated situation. I hate being stuck in emotional messes. This time, I'm not going to be the one cleaning up. I hate being aggravated and distracted. I already have way too much on my plate to be worrying about such a ridiculous and utterly unreasonable issue.

Fuck it. I'm way too good to even be thinking about this.

Achieving the Unachievable

My days have become occupied with an onslaught of impertinent tasks that I feel will better me in no way at all. It seems to be a huge challenge for me to drag my caffeine-induced body from one point to the next without collapsing on the way. I find myself mindlessly scheduling in more than I can handle, ultimately making myself late to every next class, unable to make that meeting on time, or forgetting to see that friend that I promised to catch up with. Never before have I felt so confined and so completely drained of energy.

It sucks to grow up. Responsibility is a bitch. I still have an inbox full of emails that I have yet to answer. My parents think I'm never home enough, my friends think I never see them enough, my professors think I don't participate enough, and my dog thinks I don't love him enough.

I'm torn between all these obligations to please the world.

In the end, the most unhappy individual is me, and what eats me up is that I can't seem to find a single solution to any of my problems.

Update

A lot has been happening since the last time I was on here. First things first: I can't type as well because of my damn acrylics. Second: I've been a little frustrated with some things lately. Sometimes I feel like there's not enough love, but this change is just something that I would have to accept. It's just that adapting to such an emotionally challenging transition can be tough at times. I'm fine though. Happy even.

Happy is an understatement. Especially after what happened yesterday.

I got a puppy!

AND his name is Mika. He's my baby. Basically he's the only reason I decided to update haha.

The end. Until next time....

I don't know when next time will be. I hate being so damn busy. I WANT ME TIME.

The End.

Wow.

So today was the ASG retreat. It made me realize how extremely busy I'm going to be from now until June.

 

I was planning everything out as far as May and June and it made me extremely sad, thinking about all the people that wouldn't be coming back next year. However, now is not the time to be sad over that. Now is the time to just state that I might end up hospitalized because of how effing booked I am.

 

Oh well. =)

Wow

So today was the ASG retreat. It made me realize how extremely busy I'm going to be from now until June.

I was planning everything out as far as May and June and it made me extremely sad, thinking about all the people that wouldn't be coming back next year. However, now is not the time to be sad over that. Now is the time to just state that I might end up hospitalized because of how effing booked I am.

Oh well. =)

I won't be back here for awhile.

The Beginning

So basically, I just had an epiphany. I realized that my whole life really is ahead of me right now. This is a great feeling. I have so much going for me, I'm not lost anymore. Never in my life have I felt so complete. For one thing, about a month or so ago I finally got the courage to leave the cult, and find ways to truly love God in a healthy manner. Besides that there are so many other things that would add up to why I am so freakin' happy despite the fact that I am menstrual. My grades are ballin', my friends are real, and my boyfriend is totally boss and the cheese to my macaroni.

But really, I think college students my age would be able to agree with me when I say that our whole lives are ahead of us. There is so much to grasp, and we have the hands to shape our lives however we want. It's our time. Dude I sound so cheesy right now but I just had to share this great feeling with everyone, even if it means staying up late on my sidekick when I should be resting for my test tomorrow.


Change is good.
Life is great.
I love you.




& I mean it. All of it.

Yay

I'm going to be MIA for a couple days. Ok two days. I need some Tina Time. Since College started, I have become a non-stop working machine, and when I didn't have any work to do, I would go out. I haven't really been home for a very long time. However, I am very happy with the results of this semester. I'm excited for my Journalism scholarship, and above all that, THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE! Anyway, this staying at home business is not going well for me because already I am tempted by others to go out, even if it's just to Corner Bakery. So this is just to let everyone know not to tempt me to go out. This is good for me; I'm never home, so this should be good change. My parents would be able to finally see my face again. This won't last for long, I will come out of hibernation on Friday for the Christmas Dinner with my Dysfunctional Family. I'm debating whether or not I should hibernate again afterwards until New Years Eve, that is something I would have to discuss with myself, but for now, Break is here, I have dealt with all of my class issues, and now I'm going to settle down with my new book. I love you all and I will see you soon. =)

Dear Finals,

I come to you to let you know that you suck, and you have done nothing but cause misery on me for the past two weeks or so. I know that in the long run you will be rather beneficial to me, but the words lectured to me by my parents can have the same effect. If I wanted to be put through a period of excruciating anxiety, I would go to my parents and ask them to explain to me why I should not go out too much. Everything is of good intentions, but I do not want to sit through the process. So, yes I understand that you only want the best for me, but in return shouldn't you at least try to alleviate some stress? I mean I'm doing my best to cooperate with you, but you are not doing the same. Like I said, you suck, but I need you, and I hate that I need you.

Sincerely,
Me

I am Overwhelmed with Stress

I have two essays due and a psych midterm tomorrow.
On top of that Fall Fest is in two days and I feel that we're not ready.
Girls soccer is now 15-0 without ever having a single goal scored on them.
They are indeed number one in the nation.

I love ASG.
I have the best boyfriend ever.

Don't get me wrong I'm still extremely happy.
I'm just really stressed and tired. To the point where I think I'm rather dizzy.
I think I'm going to pass out.
Ok back to studying.

Cold Toes

I am going to tell you now, that this entry might drive you insane because my thoughts are completely random because I am tired and extremely delusional from a full day of planning and shopping.

I'm going to miss summer. I hate wearing clothes, it's so bothersome, but it is fun to dress up so I guess I'll survive. Speaking of clothes, I still haven't found a dress for the Chancellor's Ball yet and it's next Friday. Like I said, if I don't find anything, I'm not going. Richard might murder me though. Why am I so worried about a dress? I feel like I'm in high school.

Of course I can always go naked.

Some guy ran naked through the library on campus last week. Right on. I think he was trying to tell me something. I fortunately didn't witness it; I only heard about it. But I wouldn't be surprised if he had a sign over his head saying "TINA! THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD WEAR TO THE BALL!"

Anway fall is here and the leaves are falling! I love stepping on crunchy leaves, I need to get my paycheck soon, like this week would be nice, or sometime next week before Friday? There's a limo and hotel room that needs to be paid for. Yadidamean? There better be dancing.

I don't understand why my brother can't plan his own wedding. Sure he teaches at the Princeton Review but that doesn't mean he doesn't have time to plan his own goddamn wedding! Don't ask about the fiance, she's busy too I guess, selling puppies. Well aparently she's not that busy because she hasn't gotten me a puppy yet! Yeah I'm being a brat, so slap me. You would bitch too if you had to plan a wedding that's not even yours with only your parents to help you.

I've been happy for about a month or so now. Kind of a record for me. I feel rather accomplished. I think it's important to say that I love my life. I aced my first major exam and I also aced my first major paper. Now all I have to worry about is the never-ending shitload of reading. But hey, that's college for you. UCLA in two years anyone? I have some roomies already picked out [Richard, Asha, and Kathleen please].

The celebration for Latino Heritage Month is coming up on Wednesday, I encourage everyone to go out and support the Hispanics (or whatever they want to be called or feel is politically correct). I'm excited to dress up as Princess Jasmine for Halloween and have Richard be my Raja. He's going to be the hottest tiger ever. Rawr.

I wanna carve a pumpkin.

Associated Student Government

I MADE IT!!!! I'm sad that the people lost my application even though it was one of the first to be submitted. Anyway the deadline for ASG interviews were yesterday at noon but my lovely friends pulled some strings for me OH HOW I LOVE THEM. Too bad all the Senator positions were already decided yesterday but I'm happy that I got the position of Associate Justice. Good start right? I'm excited for the Chancellor's Ball on Octover 12th. Yaayy! Pretty dresses hehehe. So today was a great day because after my interview this morning I felt great because I knew that it went well. Then getting the call that I was able to attend the meeting just boosted up my second class then actually hearing my name be called at the meeting was amazing.

And on top of that the hot life gaurd talked to me today at swim. I showed up late because the ASG meeting didn't end until like five and I stuck around to solve a riddle haha. Anyway, swim practice started at 5 I showed up at 6. BUT he TALKED to me! eeeeeek!

"Fashionably late?"
"I had a meeting!"
"Suuurre..."

OH I'M IN LOVE! So ok he only said three words to me but those three words can be the foundation to something beautiful. Beautiful...like his face. AKDSHKLHADFL

Addicted

I got out of class at around one or so in the afternoon and made a quick stop at the mall because I was having withdrawls. Yeah WITHDRAWLS from shopping. I still haven't worn everything from the last time I went and now I've been going like every other day. I'm so mad at myself but then again not really. Which makes me even more mad at myself cause I'm not mad at myself enough. But I'm happy now and I think I'm going to lay low on all this for now. Well after Saturday anyway. Yeah after Saturday I'm going to be a good girl with my money. Especially since I don't even have a job haha. I need to get on that. Um. Soon.

Yaaayy green!