The Green Light Effect

It was nearly one in the morning, and I was wrapping the wire around the tables outside (as if someone would really be tempted to come by in the middle of the night to steal a table...or, better yet, a heat lamp). Finally done with that grueling task, I clocked out, got in my car, and drove home. The streets were pretty empty, and I was in a rush to make it home to my bed.

In the distance the light turned red.

I pulled to a stop and rested my foot on the brake pedal, all the while thinking about how exhausted I was. I closed my eyes for a couple seconds, and opened them in time to see the light turn green.

"No," I thought. "I'm so tired, I just want to stay here and rest a little."

It was then that I took the laws of the road into my own selfish hands and decided to stall at the light for a couple seconds longer. I rested my head on the steering wheel and exhaled; from behind me I heard a honk. I looked up to see two bright lights blinding me in my rearview mirror. I had no choice but to press the gas and proceed down the road.

On that drive home I realized, the process of life is like a traffic light. When you're at the light and it turns green, you have no other choice but to go. When you're overwhelmed with obstacles and obligations, you can't just stop and feel sorry for yourself hoping that someone will come and pick up your slack; you need to continue with your life. Like that person in the car who honked at me so that he could continue on with his drive, there will always be someone out there who needs you to keep going so that they can carry out their life. You can't just stay stuck at that light forever; eventually it will change, and you will have to keep going.

On a lighter note: I am currently obsessed with Snow Patrol's music.

You might be thinking, "Wow, you're late; they're so old."

That's fine with me. Asshole.

Summation

The Audrey Hepburn poster in my office now has a thought bubble that says, "So much to do...so little time."

Ironically, she is looking at my calendar.

Rip Van Winkle

I really have nothing to say...nothing except for a vast amount of unspoken thoughts that all just morph into a profusion of temperamental bickering.



I think the past month has been the most overwhelming month I've ever had to endure in my nineteen years of life.

WHEN will I be able to just live?

Achieving the Unachievable

My days have become occupied with an onslaught of impertinent tasks that I feel will better me in no way at all. It seems to be a huge challenge for me to drag my caffeine-induced body from one point to the next without collapsing on the way. I find myself mindlessly scheduling in more than I can handle, ultimately making myself late to every next class, unable to make that meeting on time, or forgetting to see that friend that I promised to catch up with. Never before have I felt so confined and so completely drained of energy.

It sucks to grow up. Responsibility is a bitch. I still have an inbox full of emails that I have yet to answer. My parents think I'm never home enough, my friends think I never see them enough, my professors think I don't participate enough, and my dog thinks I don't love him enough.

I'm torn between all these obligations to please the world.

In the end, the most unhappy individual is me, and what eats me up is that I can't seem to find a single solution to any of my problems.

Dear Finals,

I come to you to let you know that you suck, and you have done nothing but cause misery on me for the past two weeks or so. I know that in the long run you will be rather beneficial to me, but the words lectured to me by my parents can have the same effect. If I wanted to be put through a period of excruciating anxiety, I would go to my parents and ask them to explain to me why I should not go out too much. Everything is of good intentions, but I do not want to sit through the process. So, yes I understand that you only want the best for me, but in return shouldn't you at least try to alleviate some stress? I mean I'm doing my best to cooperate with you, but you are not doing the same. Like I said, you suck, but I need you, and I hate that I need you.

Sincerely,
Me