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I just woke up to the biggest panic attack.

Why the fuck do I lack so much motivation? I feel like time is running out and I don't have any reason to regain any sort of motivation or orginization.

But I have to. And I can. I will. Right?

Time is my biggest enemy in every aspect of my life right now; but the more I stand still and feel sorry for myself, the faster life will pass me by.

I need to get a grip. I'm desperately trying to grasp onto anything that will keep me sane right now, but every chance of orginization just slips away from me. WHAT is wrong with me?

So let's get something straight: I'm emotionally unstable. This emotional rollercoaster is, by far, the most unenjoyable ride I've ever been on in my life.

I blame the pill...or PMS.

Either way, a lesson has been learned: the pill combined with PMS is the bane of every woman on her road to success.

I feel better.

I think tomorrow, after bio, I'm going to sit down at my white board and figure my life out.

I can do this. HA!

I have successfully defeated my hormones. Really? So I screwed up, my job entails a lot of responsibilities, thus presenting a litany of mistakes that can be made. Should I have made them? No. But I did. And I'm learning. I am.

If I were perfect, I would be boring. I'm nineteen years old...I'm NINETEEN. Give me a break. I need to give myself a break seeing as no one else will. Nineteen. Geez Tina, relax. When I look back on my life, I don't want to see some loser who stressed over being student government president at some community college, I want to see a girl who took on a huge role, and came out of it a fucking genius.

Criticize me, I don't care; you're only making me stronger. You can throw empty criticism at me thinking I won't learn from my mistakes, but your lack of faith in me will only motivate me further. WOW, another thing I realized, I'm important enough to be on someone's mind and have them form endless opinions about me. I just realized: I'm pretty important. Okay...what now?

Time to live up to the perceptions...or defeat them.

I need to stop beating myself down. I will climb out of this hole I dug for myself. This is why I haven't really been crying to anybody. When everything is your fault, who can you blame but yourself? Crying in front of someone may be cathartic, but it also puts a burden on them. No one wants extra burdens. I've been keeping to myself and rightfully so; I got myself into this fucked up mess, and I WILL get myself out.

I don't care if I sound redundant in this entry. I need to. Plus this isn't for you, this was all for me. I'm the one who woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of a dream...about being in bio class. I guess that could have been interrupted.

Wow. Ok. I can do this.