Yay

I'm going to be MIA for a couple days. Ok two days. I need some Tina Time. Since College started, I have become a non-stop working machine, and when I didn't have any work to do, I would go out. I haven't really been home for a very long time. However, I am very happy with the results of this semester. I'm excited for my Journalism scholarship, and above all that, THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE! Anyway, this staying at home business is not going well for me because already I am tempted by others to go out, even if it's just to Corner Bakery. So this is just to let everyone know not to tempt me to go out. This is good for me; I'm never home, so this should be good change. My parents would be able to finally see my face again. This won't last for long, I will come out of hibernation on Friday for the Christmas Dinner with my Dysfunctional Family. I'm debating whether or not I should hibernate again afterwards until New Years Eve, that is something I would have to discuss with myself, but for now, Break is here, I have dealt with all of my class issues, and now I'm going to settle down with my new book. I love you all and I will see you soon. =)

Dear Finals,

I come to you to let you know that you suck, and you have done nothing but cause misery on me for the past two weeks or so. I know that in the long run you will be rather beneficial to me, but the words lectured to me by my parents can have the same effect. If I wanted to be put through a period of excruciating anxiety, I would go to my parents and ask them to explain to me why I should not go out too much. Everything is of good intentions, but I do not want to sit through the process. So, yes I understand that you only want the best for me, but in return shouldn't you at least try to alleviate some stress? I mean I'm doing my best to cooperate with you, but you are not doing the same. Like I said, you suck, but I need you, and I hate that I need you.

Sincerely,
Me

Will Someone Please Tell Me...

WHY,

after being such a great friend, daughter, girlfriend, and overall good person,
and getting good grades, and watching loud, annoying little perstering children,
and putting up with a bunch of lunatics from church who are like telemarketers,
but not ONCE snapping at them because I know that it is all under good intentions,
and being nice to every person I run into, and even those I don't even like at all,
and giving good advice, and not being a big pest, and being really responsible,
and never holding a grudge partly because I'm too lazy to, but that's not the point,
and always trying to stay away from anger because I know it benfits nothing and no one,
and taking part in things that I don't have to, but I just like to help out (ie: Brother's wedding)
and being just an OVERALL GOOD EFFING PERSON,
(and I ask you again WHY)

did God decide to curse me with pimples?

All I ask for in life is completely, clear and flawless skin, and I can't even have that. What have I done to deserve such cruel and unusual punishment?

<3

Me: I thought you would never go for a girl like me cause you kept showing us the most beautiful Persian girl in the world and the most beautiful Indian girl and I was like UGH! What about the most beautiful ASIAN girl in the world huh?

Him: Why would I do that when you were sitting right next to me?

Hehehehe <3

Feelings Show

When I like a guy so much I can't get him off my mind, sometimes I feel that mentioning him in everything I talk about would relieve some nerves. It won't be difficult to bring him into a conversation because he's constantly on my mind; so much so that occasionally I might let his name slip out at the wrong time.

I have been through all of that before and I understand how she feels. I'm not mad, I can't be angry at someone for having feelings for him. I don't mind at all. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings.

However it's when feelings turn into actions that might create a problem. I don't want this to be a problem.

And it's not. =)

I'm hungry and I'm fat. I should go running today. I think I'm going to re-read the seventh Harry Potter book. Yes. =)

That and finals are in two weeks.
One week left of classes.

Yeah I might die of stress.
I feel like a failure, like all my hardwork just wasn't enough. I feel helpless because there's not much left that I can do.

Math during intersession.....oh sure why not.

Dear Tina,

I just wanted to let you know that I have been feeling rather neglected lately. I don't like to be ignored. You have been mistreating me and I don't like it. What happened to us? I miss the old days where we used to go out and run together, we would jog in the early morning right when the sun rises with all that awesome music pumping. What happened to that? I know that you didn't like to play tennis but I appreciated the fact that you did it anyway for my sake because you cared about me. Don't you care about me anymore? I don't even know who you are anymore. I understand that you have a boyfriend now, but that does not mean that you should ignore me completely. I know you're starting to feel more confident about yourself and you're not as insecure anymore, but that does not mean that you should put me aside and just let me get so unhealthy like this. I don't like the shape I'm in right now. I know your boyfriend doesn't really care how you look, but don't you still want to impress him? You've been with this guy for about a month now maybe even more I don't even know, all I know is that I am extremely unhappy with the way things are right now and I hope that you can find time in your schedule to spend time with me. I just want to know that you still care. Let's go for a walk one day, we need to get back in touch with each other. Please?

Sincerely,
Your Body.

Small Talk is All Talk

People are mean. All they do is make judgments and don't choose to know the background story just so they can run with their lame assumptions. It's a whirlwind of gossip and it's gotten back to me.

It always has a way of getting back to me. And why me? Am I that interesting of a topic to discuss? Everywhere I go people always have something to talk about. Or at least I thought people always HAD something to talk about. This isn't higschool anymore guys grow up.

When I talk about someone it's because they're not around and I just express my thoughts then and there. And does it get back to them? Oh yeah, by me. I'm not afraid to tell someone I have a problem with them, in the end everything usually turns out better that way. Honesty is always best. The sooner the truth comes out, the sooner the pain subsides.

I understand it might all just be based off of jealousy and some of it is, but with that person I really couldn't care less what she says about me, she's probably hurt too and she needs to alleviate her sadness somehow. If she needs to bag on me and my personality that she knows nothing about then fine, I hope she's happy. I really do. However when it's coming from people I actually like it takes a different toll on me. This is coming from those I actually thought liked me. I thought you were my friends......This hurts guys. All I can say is: please stop. If not then, well I guess it was nice knowing you for as long as your honesty with me lasted.

You don't know about my relationships and what goes on in them so please stop making snide remarks and stupid assumtions. Remember that it's actually a human being that you're talking about, and in this case it's two and I happen to care about both of them so just stop. Thanks.

A Sudden Dip in the Road

I know I've been bragging about how wonderful my life has been and really it has, but now I think everyone would be a little pleased to know that I'm fucking down. It might be the fact that I'm premenstrual, or that I haven't seen anyone I remotely care for this entire weekend (besides my parents), whatever the reason is, I'm going to take it and run with it. I'm going to use it as an excuse as to why I'm sounding like a submissive bitch who can't say shit for herself.

I mean what the fuck right?
"What's wrong Tina I feel like something's wrong that you're not telling me about."
"......anyway....."
That was my response.

I mean right? That was my fucking RESPONSE. Out of all the years of being top of my class of any writing course I ever took, after selecting journalism as my major and excelling with that, all I was able to articulate was THAT.

Here I am telling others that they need to work on opening up. I admit, I'm a hypocrite and I should stop this madness before I make anyone else feel uncomfortable.

I always thought I was basically an open book laid out for anyone who was interested enough to take the time to read me. Most of the time all I got were nosy bitches who were just bored of their life and needed to leech off of mine in hopes of creating any kind of spark in their sad little lives. Anyway I guess lately I've just been unable to put a finger on how I was feeling exactly. I'm not unhappy at all, but I guess I do feel a little off. Especially right now, I'm walking around in the supermarket and my boots are of uneven sizes. My left foot is slowly losing the cirrculation in its toes. Yeah only I would be so excited about buying boots to not realize that one is a size 8 and the other is a size 7 1/2. ......ANYWAY.....

Ok so you want to know about me? Fine I'll grant you bitches your sad little wishes, but this is going to be about the only time that I am going to comply to any of your meddling wishes.

I hate being bored and unproductive and that was exactly how my weekend was. I don't know why I make promises and arrangments to people I couldn't care less about and would like to hang out with even less than how much I care for them (that wasn't supposed to make sense so please don't beat yourself up trying to get your head around it). I let down way too many people including myself. I know I used to be confident at some point in my life but as far as I can remember I've always been insecure. That wasn't supposed to make sense either. Anyway it's pretty true though, I mean I almost always get what I want. I say almost because I don't want to make a false generalization about my achievments but so far I can't remember a time when I was denied something I truly wanted. Yes I am blessed and yes I would be ridiculous if I were to stand here in this godforsaken Vietnemese Supermarket and complain about the things I don't have and at the same time don't need.

I need to shut up with this whining or whatever the hell it is that I'm doing. One thing is for sure: I'm holding up traffic with the shopping carts. If shopping carts had horns there would be a cacophony of honking right now on the seafod section. Of course there's nothing wrong with being captivated by dead cut-up fish.

I mean.........right?
Fucking fish.

I don't know why I'm feeling so insecure right now. Let's be blunt here: I feel like shit. I feel vulnerable. I feel like I don't want to face the world because I'm afraid of how situations would turn out. I feel paranoid. I feel like my dad. I feel like venting which is exactly what I've been doing for the past half hour or so or more I don't know. I feel like I need to release all of my negative emotions and I feel like I've done exactly that. I feel better.

As a result of my aimless blogging, I am finally able to put a finger on what's bothering me. I miss my boyfriend and the thought of being away from him for a four-day-weekend is almost unbearable. I miss him. Come home now. I know. I'm pathetic. So shoot me.

Please don't. I love my life and I don't want it to end just yet. Kthanks.

I would like to close out with a message to a certain someone. Don't tell me what it takes to be a girlfriend. Sure you've experienced the entire female population minus me, but that does not make you an expert. It makes you a slut. A man slut. So get over yourself. And with that I leave you with your thoughts for I have successfully released my own.

I am Overwhelmed with Stress

I have two essays due and a psych midterm tomorrow.
On top of that Fall Fest is in two days and I feel that we're not ready.
Girls soccer is now 15-0 without ever having a single goal scored on them.
They are indeed number one in the nation.

I love ASG.
I have the best boyfriend ever.

Don't get me wrong I'm still extremely happy.
I'm just really stressed and tired. To the point where I think I'm rather dizzy.
I think I'm going to pass out.
Ok back to studying.

Cold Toes

I am going to tell you now, that this entry might drive you insane because my thoughts are completely random because I am tired and extremely delusional from a full day of planning and shopping.

I'm going to miss summer. I hate wearing clothes, it's so bothersome, but it is fun to dress up so I guess I'll survive. Speaking of clothes, I still haven't found a dress for the Chancellor's Ball yet and it's next Friday. Like I said, if I don't find anything, I'm not going. Richard might murder me though. Why am I so worried about a dress? I feel like I'm in high school.

Of course I can always go naked.

Some guy ran naked through the library on campus last week. Right on. I think he was trying to tell me something. I fortunately didn't witness it; I only heard about it. But I wouldn't be surprised if he had a sign over his head saying "TINA! THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD WEAR TO THE BALL!"

Anway fall is here and the leaves are falling! I love stepping on crunchy leaves, I need to get my paycheck soon, like this week would be nice, or sometime next week before Friday? There's a limo and hotel room that needs to be paid for. Yadidamean? There better be dancing.

I don't understand why my brother can't plan his own wedding. Sure he teaches at the Princeton Review but that doesn't mean he doesn't have time to plan his own goddamn wedding! Don't ask about the fiance, she's busy too I guess, selling puppies. Well aparently she's not that busy because she hasn't gotten me a puppy yet! Yeah I'm being a brat, so slap me. You would bitch too if you had to plan a wedding that's not even yours with only your parents to help you.

I've been happy for about a month or so now. Kind of a record for me. I feel rather accomplished. I think it's important to say that I love my life. I aced my first major exam and I also aced my first major paper. Now all I have to worry about is the never-ending shitload of reading. But hey, that's college for you. UCLA in two years anyone? I have some roomies already picked out [Richard, Asha, and Kathleen please].

The celebration for Latino Heritage Month is coming up on Wednesday, I encourage everyone to go out and support the Hispanics (or whatever they want to be called or feel is politically correct). I'm excited to dress up as Princess Jasmine for Halloween and have Richard be my Raja. He's going to be the hottest tiger ever. Rawr.

I wanna carve a pumpkin.

Associated Student Government

I MADE IT!!!! I'm sad that the people lost my application even though it was one of the first to be submitted. Anyway the deadline for ASG interviews were yesterday at noon but my lovely friends pulled some strings for me OH HOW I LOVE THEM. Too bad all the Senator positions were already decided yesterday but I'm happy that I got the position of Associate Justice. Good start right? I'm excited for the Chancellor's Ball on Octover 12th. Yaayy! Pretty dresses hehehe. So today was a great day because after my interview this morning I felt great because I knew that it went well. Then getting the call that I was able to attend the meeting just boosted up my second class then actually hearing my name be called at the meeting was amazing.

And on top of that the hot life gaurd talked to me today at swim. I showed up late because the ASG meeting didn't end until like five and I stuck around to solve a riddle haha. Anyway, swim practice started at 5 I showed up at 6. BUT he TALKED to me! eeeeeek!

"Fashionably late?"
"I had a meeting!"
"Suuurre..."

OH I'M IN LOVE! So ok he only said three words to me but those three words can be the foundation to something beautiful. Beautiful...like his face. AKDSHKLHADFL

Addicted

I got out of class at around one or so in the afternoon and made a quick stop at the mall because I was having withdrawls. Yeah WITHDRAWLS from shopping. I still haven't worn everything from the last time I went and now I've been going like every other day. I'm so mad at myself but then again not really. Which makes me even more mad at myself cause I'm not mad at myself enough. But I'm happy now and I think I'm going to lay low on all this for now. Well after Saturday anyway. Yeah after Saturday I'm going to be a good girl with my money. Especially since I don't even have a job haha. I need to get on that. Um. Soon.

Yaaayy green!

Smiley!

I'm very proud of myself for having finished most of my homework. Today I'm going to read some more of Cannery Row and then type up my paper and then read some more for Psych. Hopefully I can get all of this done before say...five? I have to if I want to make it to Gamey's BBQ and then be home by...eleven? For school tomorrow.

It was unbelievably hot at the block yesterday. ew BUT I bought new clothes so yay; more shopping Saturday please! I wanna go to H&M at the Irvine Spectrum. But I think I'm booked so NEXT WEEKEND IS SHOPPING WEEKEND! hehe yaayy!