A Sudden Dip in the Road

I know I've been bragging about how wonderful my life has been and really it has, but now I think everyone would be a little pleased to know that I'm fucking down. It might be the fact that I'm premenstrual, or that I haven't seen anyone I remotely care for this entire weekend (besides my parents), whatever the reason is, I'm going to take it and run with it. I'm going to use it as an excuse as to why I'm sounding like a submissive bitch who can't say shit for herself.

I mean what the fuck right?
"What's wrong Tina I feel like something's wrong that you're not telling me about."
"......anyway....."
That was my response.

I mean right? That was my fucking RESPONSE. Out of all the years of being top of my class of any writing course I ever took, after selecting journalism as my major and excelling with that, all I was able to articulate was THAT.

Here I am telling others that they need to work on opening up. I admit, I'm a hypocrite and I should stop this madness before I make anyone else feel uncomfortable.

I always thought I was basically an open book laid out for anyone who was interested enough to take the time to read me. Most of the time all I got were nosy bitches who were just bored of their life and needed to leech off of mine in hopes of creating any kind of spark in their sad little lives. Anyway I guess lately I've just been unable to put a finger on how I was feeling exactly. I'm not unhappy at all, but I guess I do feel a little off. Especially right now, I'm walking around in the supermarket and my boots are of uneven sizes. My left foot is slowly losing the cirrculation in its toes. Yeah only I would be so excited about buying boots to not realize that one is a size 8 and the other is a size 7 1/2. ......ANYWAY.....

Ok so you want to know about me? Fine I'll grant you bitches your sad little wishes, but this is going to be about the only time that I am going to comply to any of your meddling wishes.

I hate being bored and unproductive and that was exactly how my weekend was. I don't know why I make promises and arrangments to people I couldn't care less about and would like to hang out with even less than how much I care for them (that wasn't supposed to make sense so please don't beat yourself up trying to get your head around it). I let down way too many people including myself. I know I used to be confident at some point in my life but as far as I can remember I've always been insecure. That wasn't supposed to make sense either. Anyway it's pretty true though, I mean I almost always get what I want. I say almost because I don't want to make a false generalization about my achievments but so far I can't remember a time when I was denied something I truly wanted. Yes I am blessed and yes I would be ridiculous if I were to stand here in this godforsaken Vietnemese Supermarket and complain about the things I don't have and at the same time don't need.

I need to shut up with this whining or whatever the hell it is that I'm doing. One thing is for sure: I'm holding up traffic with the shopping carts. If shopping carts had horns there would be a cacophony of honking right now on the seafod section. Of course there's nothing wrong with being captivated by dead cut-up fish.

I mean.........right?
Fucking fish.

I don't know why I'm feeling so insecure right now. Let's be blunt here: I feel like shit. I feel vulnerable. I feel like I don't want to face the world because I'm afraid of how situations would turn out. I feel paranoid. I feel like my dad. I feel like venting which is exactly what I've been doing for the past half hour or so or more I don't know. I feel like I need to release all of my negative emotions and I feel like I've done exactly that. I feel better.

As a result of my aimless blogging, I am finally able to put a finger on what's bothering me. I miss my boyfriend and the thought of being away from him for a four-day-weekend is almost unbearable. I miss him. Come home now. I know. I'm pathetic. So shoot me.

Please don't. I love my life and I don't want it to end just yet. Kthanks.

I would like to close out with a message to a certain someone. Don't tell me what it takes to be a girlfriend. Sure you've experienced the entire female population minus me, but that does not make you an expert. It makes you a slut. A man slut. So get over yourself. And with that I leave you with your thoughts for I have successfully released my own.