Desiring the Unattainable

He tells me about himself, about his life, his background, and why he is the way he is. He tells me about his family and about the life he is living now; I can see that he wants out, he wants to be taken away from this mess. Somehow he manages to hold himself together, but inside he is shattered to pieces. She comes to me asking why he hasn't called, wondering what he's doing at this very moment, and if she should even worry about investing anymore time into pursuing him. She doesn't understand, and all she sees is herself, and what she wants. If I could only show her what he sees, let her feel what he feels, then maybe she would overcome this petty grudge and let him carry on with his dysfunctional life. Alas, that is not the case in this pitiful game of pursuit.

I know what's going on, but I am not at liberty to disclose anything that I was entrusted with. It's a thankless life that I live, in which I am constantly stuck to a thread of one person's secrets that somehow intertwines with the life another. Ultimately, this creates a web of disclosure in which I have the misfortune of being caught in the middle of.

To this day, I still cannot not put a finger on why everyone around me feels the need to spill their problems upon me, like I'm some sort of bottomless vessel available to anyone to use. It is times like these in which I feel the need to have a cathartic moment all to myself.

My friends wonder why I blow them off to stay at home and do nothing. It's not because I don't appreciate their company; it's just, in order to rejuvenate myself, I need to retreat into my own world where I can finally deal with my own problems, and have my peace of mind all to myself. In the ideal world of Tina Land, that would all fall under nicely, but in the real world, where techonolgy plays a significant role in the disruption of my solitude, people manage to pester me with their problems even if I'm not physically around them. I'm not sure if I should be flattered or insulted by this phenomenon. Has anyone ever bothered to ask me what's going on with me? What's going on with my life? What's been on my mind lately?

Never before have I felt more trapped in my own skin. I would give anything to live the life of another person just for a day. I believe that would be rather liberating, but, since I am indefinitely stuck in this life of mine, I should just deal with the issues I have in front of me. My current issue? Relationships. Over the past week or so, I've been thinking to myself about the aspect of relationships. There are the kinds that give you comfort in knowing you will always have someone to cry to at four in the morning, and those that supply you with guidance and support for the bigger things in life. Some relationships are strictly based on your monetary dependence, and others go far beyond the unset boundaries of love.

Relationships are vastly unique, each composed of its own elements that make up the structure of a solid bond. They vary on both sides of the spectrum from being extremely uninhibited and void of all secrets, to being utterly shallow and, at times, rather tense. However, there are those relationships that float around in the middle, waiting to be noticed. These are the bonds that, ideally, are free from the bounds of emotional, social, and even sexual tension. Relationships that are free from such tension should often induce the least amount of stress and, most of the time, are the ideal relationship otherwise known as: friendship. Of course, like any other failed love story, there is always something that gets in between of achieving that perfect friendship. In my case, that something is none other than the Y chromosome.

I have gone through life not only searching for true love, but, above that, true friendship. It's safe to say that I have found some of the best friends I could ever ask for, but I wish that all friendships were completely innocent and free of elusive wonder. For me, a simple friendship with a man is perfectly normal, however for others, it is virtually impossible. This got me to thinking about the relationships taking place around me with those who are my age. I know I'm not the only one who wonders about this, and I'm not the only one who seeks an answer.

In today's society of the economically-deprived college scene, where the lost souls of the adolescent youth are striving to find their true identities, I find it safe to ask: can a man and a woman ever maintain a platonic relationship?