Pause

I've been so nervous lately. It's like I'm on stage and the world is my audience. I feel as if everyone is watching my every move, waiting for me to screw up as I move blindly through this phenomenon otherwise known as Life.

Yesterday, after I went to get a rental car, then to downtown Los Angeles and retrieved my possessions from my incinerated car, dealt with my insurance company, went to school sat through my joke of a philosophy class, got lunch to feed my famished body, attended the Board of Trustees meeting (which went three hours over), made the agenda for Thursday's meeting, did thirty some-odd problems for Statistics, fed my dog, tried to read for Philosophy, and took a shower, I went to the kitchen and just stood there for a while trying to unwind. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Time has been an enemy that I have learned to accept as a friend. It has long deluded me into thinking that it would wait for me, but I had to learn the hard way that it stops for no one. However, at that moment in the kitchen, I felt at peace with it. I felt like we had a mutual understanding with each other and at that moment, it seemed as though I was standing still with Time itself. Hand in hand. It was the most calm and settling feeling that I have felt in a while.

After too much silence my mind started to recall my weekend and I, once again, became desperate to find something, anything, that would keep my mind busy. I went to my computer and checked my email. It was filled with unread messages. Big surprise. Most of them were business-related, some spam, and the rest were concerns about my well-being after hearing about my weekend. I wish I could say that I'm a polite and caring person who read all of those concerned emails, but frankly, I just don't want to be reminded of anything. So I immersed myself in business instead; I'd like to say that I read those emails too, but let's face it. I didn't.

This weekend had my mind constantly whirling with thoughts and worries about what I've done, and what is to become of me. I couldn't seem to calm down. Then I realized how pathetic I was being.

The truth is, you can turn anything into something dramatic and dysfunctional if you try hard enough. You can spend your days dwelling on all the ways you've screwed up, all the ways you've been let down, and all the ways you've been wronged, but I gaurantee you that there will be no benefit what so ever from this dwelling. If you wish to dwell go right ahead, your mission to seek pity will only end up with you feeling sorry for yourself. Or... you can learn to accept the imperfections of life and move on.

So I stared Death in the face this weekend and miraculously walked away unscathed. My family and I nearly lost both of our homes, and I had to evacuate and live in some cheap motel for the weekend. So what? It happened, big deal. I'm getting over this, and I'm going to come out of this so much smarter and stronger.

Life underestimates me, and it doesn't know that I actually enjoy learning things the hard way. Ha.