Patience is Futile

Is it absurd of me to stick around and wait in a situation that has become so satiated?

No matter how much I try (which, truthfully, isn't that much) I can't seem ignore that question that lies in the back of my mind. Maybe it's the change in seasons, maybe it's my insecurity, or maybe it's because I've been in a state of solitude for a little too long... Whatever it is, I am unable to just accept that things are going well, and being difficult isn't going to help my case.

But I can't help it.

I mean, I may not be like any other girl you know, but occasionally I do give in to the sin that is Over Analyzing. Can you blame me? I just hate being kept in the dark. This wouldn't be so hard if you were an open book that came complete with an answer key. But you're not. And that's what gets me. It's so bothersome, like an itch on my back that I can't seem to reach. I know there are some things you want to know yourself, but I can't help you if you're not willing to do the same. It's sort of a "You scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours" type of deal. Fair enough right?

I guess...

Lately I've noticed that I've been rather submissive. After all the lessons I've learned, I still find myself to be too forgiving. I have finally figured out what is wrong, and just as I begin to gloat in my brilliant epiphany, I realize that it is incomplete. Sure it's wrong, great so avoid it; but then what's "right"? It's like I can see the light, but I don't know where it's shining to. I've figured out the problem, but I don't have an answer. I don't know what's happening or where this is headed, and I want answers. I know I'm close though, but simply not there. I wish I could just ask, but sometimes a simple question could scare away the one person who can supply you with an answer.

I'm dizzy from the thoughts that keep spinning around in my head. I'm being enticed with the hope that someday this could be more. It's so tantalizing, yet so excruciating at the same time to know that there's a possibility this can go either way. I'm scared of what I'm getting myself into, but I want this so bad that I'm willing to put my well-being aside. I'm caught in the moment and it feels so good, but the suspense of the unknown just hurts so bad.

But don't stop. I like it.

"I don't know why I'm waiting around for this. I know it's going to hurt in the end, and I don't want to deal with it so why am I still here now?....Oh....because I like him. That's why."
"Good job Tina, you've finally figured it out."

So...you can clap it you want. I am a self-proclaimed genius.

Post Playlist:
Snow Patrol- Run
Snow Patrol- Open Your Eyes
Remy Zero- Perfect Memory
Death Cab for Cutie- Follow You Into the Dark