I know this is long, but I promise you, it's worth reading. Cause I had an amazing day, and I NEVER blog about the events of my day.
First off...
I know, I know. I should've stayed home tonight. I'm so bad at sticking with promises to myself. I haven't written anything in like four days. Well three. But the point is I should've stayed home today. Too bad I went to LA for the DEMOCRATIC RALLY AND DEBATE!!!!
Of course the rally was extremely fun; one of the best and most memorable experiences of my life. We got the crowd so riled up, and we even started some chants. It was so fun. Then the debate came on and everyone watched it on a huge screen outside; it was a little cold, but looking back, I absolutely loved the experience. I will post up pictures when Asha posts them.
We left a little early to avoid the traffic and mob, and we got stopped by two guys from CNN and we were asked to answer some questions about being new voters. It was not a partisan interview at all, yet people started crowding around and yelling "HILLARY HILLARY HILLARY" and "OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA" good thing my interview was first, before the people started coming out. Stupid annoying people I swear.
Anyway, I loved seeing the Hollywood sign on the hills, and walking down the Walk of Fame, and after studying about the first film stars and seeing them everywhere, it just made everything so much more beautiful. No really. The very first great actors and actresses of Hollywood. So amazing. That was all great, and then came the drive back to Orange County. Of course with Aylin's lack of direction we ended up in K-Town when we were supposed to be on the 101.
Being lost in LA was actually a fun experience. The frustration, and no joke, almost getting into a huge four car collision, was really a lot to laugh about. Then we got back to the Obama Headquarters in Santa Ana, and got some dinner. The boys were dropped off at the headquarters and Aylin, Asha, and I went to get dinner with just us girls.
I really had so much fun today. Girl Talk is always good, and food is always the best. I'm extremely tired now. I have a programming meeting tomorrow, then I'm going straight home again, cause I really need to be at home more often. Especially since I'm gonna be out this whole weekend. Yaayyy, I love Obama!!!! I love my shirts, I love my posters, and I wish we could've shopped in that beautiful Kodak Theatre mall. Oh well.
So basically, today was an amazing day. =) I lost my voice, I hurt my feet, I might be sick, and I love my friends. <3
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Oh Tina...
It seems that lately I have been arguing with my inner voice quite a bit. I'm glad that I have it because if it weren't there to tell me to calm down, I don't think anyone would be able to. I don't even know what I'm saying. I actually have nothing to say. I have so many thoughts, but they just all morph into a huge blur of lethargy. I always have the last word. I always have something to say. I always have a defense. I'm somtimes wrong. Bottom line is: I need to stop being so difficult. My conscience is right, and it's time I become right as well. I'm accustomed to always getting what I want. This needs to change. I need to realize that although the world is able to bend over backwards and wrap around itself for me, those living on it are not capable of such abilities. He's so good to me, and I want to be the same to him. Being a bitch is not the solution. I've been so extremely difficult but now I don't have anything to blame it on, it's all just me. I don't like me. I don't know how he can even love me. Or why he does.
I guess after my breakdown I just secluded into a whole phase of self pity. Poor me, I had to help plan a wedding for a guy I couldn't care less about. Poor me, I'm actually not getting what I want (and this time need) for once. Poor me, I actually have to start swallowing my pride and being dependent on others. Poor me. Poor me. Poor me. And then the tears started pouring. I guess my emotions were somewhat justified, but mostly I was simply being selfish. There are so many things that I need to realize. One thing that needs to be laid out there, is that I am in constant denial with even myself.
Denial is not an eraser, but a mask to hide the fact that a person is not perfect; that they have flaws. I need to unmask myself and face my flaws. I'm prideful, stubborn, and extremely defensive. My past cannot be erased. It happened; and there's no way to change that it did. I can forgive, I should forgive, and I will forgive. But I'm not going to forget. I wish I could, but wishing is futuile. It's just a bunch of pointless hoping that leads to nowhere. The sooner I accept it the sooner I will be able to move on.
I have a barrier that keeps me from moving toward my goals. That barrier is my insecurity. Oh yeah. I have it. Big time. I just act all confident and cocky because that is my mask. My denial. Whatever. That's all I say: "whatever"; it's my broom that sweeps away all the problems and ordeals that I can't find a solution to. Whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever. I say it, and it's under the rug. But now the rug is still there and I'm left staring at it, knowing what's underneath. I have to deal with it. I need to accept it. A little dust in my life isn't going to hurt me. So I'm not perfect. Is that so hard to admit? I say it all the time. But do I really believe it? I do now.
I'm not perfect.
Oh. That felt weird. So now what? I don't know what the hell just happend or why it happend. I don't know what I just did or why I did it. All I know is now I feel very vulnerable. I'm so dazed right now. I have results, but I don't have reason. I have questions without answers. I've accepted my faults, but I haven't moved on. I feel like I've done so much but achieved so little. I have what I want, but now I want more. I'm the mouse that got the cookie, but didn't get the milk. Should I be satisfied?
Hell no. From now on I resolve not to leave anything unfinished. I don't settle for normal. I don't settle for the alternative; and I most definitely do not settle for less.
I'm sorry. The only reason I decided to update and write on this thing was because I was suffering from a severe case of writer's block. I guess that critical condition is gone. My writing career is saved. Now let us rejoice, for there is a story to be finished. Well two. Mine that I am writing, and mine that I am living.
Yeah..Welcome to my life kids.
Mmm,hm.
Oh Tina...
It seems that lately I have been arguing with my inner voice quite a bit. I'm glad that I have it because if it weren't there to tell me to calm down, I don't think anyone would be able to. I don't even know what I'm saying. I actually have nothing to say. I have so many thoughts, but they just all morph into a huge blur of lethargy. I always have the last word. I always have something to say. I always have a defense. I'm somtimes wrong. Bottom line is: I need to stop being so difficult. My conscience is right, and it's time I become right as well. I'm accustomed to always getting what I want. This needs to change. I need to realize that although the world is able to bend over backwards and wrap around itself for me, those living on it are not capable of such abilities. He's so good to me, and I want to be the same to him. Being a bitch is not the solution. I've been so extremely difficult but now I don't have anything to blame it on, it's all just me. I don't like me. I don't know how he can even love me. Or why he does.
I guess after my breakdown I just secluded into a whole phase of self pity. Poor me, I had to help plan a wedding for a guy I couldn't care less about. Poor me, I'm actually not getting what I want (and this time need) for once. Poor me, I actually have to start swallowing my pride and being dependent on others. Poor me. Poor me. Poor me. And then the tears started pouring. I guess my emotions were somewhat justified, but mostly I was simply being selfish. There are so many things that I need to realize. One thing that needs to be laid out there, is that I am in constant denial with even myself.
Denial is not an eraser, but a mask to hide the fact that a person is not perfect; that they have flaws. I need to unmask myself and face my flaws. I'm prideful, stubborn, and extremely defensive. My past cannot be erased. It happened; and there's no way to change that it did. I can forgive, I should forgive, and I will forgive. But I'm not going to forget. I wish I could, but wishing is futile. It's just a bunch of pointless hoping that leads to nowhere. The sooner I accept it the sooner I will be able to move on.
I have a barrier that keeps me from moving toward my goals. That barrier is my insecurity. Oh yeah. I have it. Big time. I just act all confident and cocky because that is my mask. My denial. Whatever. That's all I say: "whatever"; it's my broom that sweeps away all the problems and ordeals that I can't find a solution to. Whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever. I say it, and it's under the rug. But now the rug is still there and I'm left staring at it, knowing what's underneath. I have to deal with it. I need to accept it. A little dust in my life isn't going to hurt me. So I'm not perfect. Is that so hard to admit? I say it all the time. But do I really believe it? I do now.
I'm not perfect.
Oh. That felt weird. So now what? I don't know what the hell just happend or why it happend. I don't know what I just did or why I did it. All I know is now I feel very vulnerable. I'm so dazed right now. I have results, but I don't have reason. I have questions without answers. I've accepted my faults, but I haven't moved on. I feel like I've done so much but achieved so little. I have what I want, but now I want more. I'm the mouse that got the cookie, but didn't get the milk. Should I be satisfied?
Hell no. From now on I resolve not to leave anything unfinished. I don't settle for normal. I don't settle for the alternative; and I most definitely do not settle for less.
I'm sorry. The only reason I decided to update and write on this thing was because I was suffering from a severe case of writer's block. I guess that critical condition is gone. My writing career is saved. Now let us rejoice, for there is a story to be finished. Well two. Mine that I am writing, and mine that I am living.
Yeah..Welcome to my life kids.
Mmm,hm.
I guess after my breakdown I just secluded into a whole phase of self pity. Poor me, I had to help plan a wedding for a guy I couldn't care less about. Poor me, I'm actually not getting what I want (and this time need) for once. Poor me, I actually have to start swallowing my pride and being dependent on others. Poor me. Poor me. Poor me. And then the tears started pouring. I guess my emotions were somewhat justified, but mostly I was simply being selfish. There are so many things that I need to realize. One thing that needs to be laid out there, is that I am in constant denial with even myself.
Denial is not an eraser, but a mask to hide the fact that a person is not perfect; that they have flaws. I need to unmask myself and face my flaws. I'm prideful, stubborn, and extremely defensive. My past cannot be erased. It happened; and there's no way to change that it did. I can forgive, I should forgive, and I will forgive. But I'm not going to forget. I wish I could, but wishing is futile. It's just a bunch of pointless hoping that leads to nowhere. The sooner I accept it the sooner I will be able to move on.
I have a barrier that keeps me from moving toward my goals. That barrier is my insecurity. Oh yeah. I have it. Big time. I just act all confident and cocky because that is my mask. My denial. Whatever. That's all I say: "whatever"; it's my broom that sweeps away all the problems and ordeals that I can't find a solution to. Whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever. I say it, and it's under the rug. But now the rug is still there and I'm left staring at it, knowing what's underneath. I have to deal with it. I need to accept it. A little dust in my life isn't going to hurt me. So I'm not perfect. Is that so hard to admit? I say it all the time. But do I really believe it? I do now.
I'm not perfect.
Oh. That felt weird. So now what? I don't know what the hell just happend or why it happend. I don't know what I just did or why I did it. All I know is now I feel very vulnerable. I'm so dazed right now. I have results, but I don't have reason. I have questions without answers. I've accepted my faults, but I haven't moved on. I feel like I've done so much but achieved so little. I have what I want, but now I want more. I'm the mouse that got the cookie, but didn't get the milk. Should I be satisfied?
Hell no. From now on I resolve not to leave anything unfinished. I don't settle for normal. I don't settle for the alternative; and I most definitely do not settle for less.
I'm sorry. The only reason I decided to update and write on this thing was because I was suffering from a severe case of writer's block. I guess that critical condition is gone. My writing career is saved. Now let us rejoice, for there is a story to be finished. Well two. Mine that I am writing, and mine that I am living.
Yeah..Welcome to my life kids.
Mmm,hm.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Beginning
So basically, I just had an epiphany. I realized that my whole life really is ahead of me right now. This is a great feeling. I have so much going for me, I'm not lost anymore. Never in my life have I felt so complete. For one thing, about a month or so ago I finally got the courage to leave the cult, and find ways to truly love God in a healthy manner. Besides that there are so many other things that would add up to why I am so freakin' happy despite the fact that I am menstrual. My grades are ballin', my friends are real, and my boyfriend is totally boss and the cheese to my macaroni.
But really, I think college students my age would be able to agree with me when I say that our whole lives are ahead of us. There is so much to grasp, and we have the hands to shape our lives however we want. It's our time. Dude I sound so cheesy right now but I just had to share this great feeling with everyone, even if it means staying up late on my sidekick when I should be resting for my test tomorrow.
Change is good.
Life is great.
I love you.
& I mean it. All of it.
But really, I think college students my age would be able to agree with me when I say that our whole lives are ahead of us. There is so much to grasp, and we have the hands to shape our lives however we want. It's our time. Dude I sound so cheesy right now but I just had to share this great feeling with everyone, even if it means staying up late on my sidekick when I should be resting for my test tomorrow.
Change is good.
Life is great.
I love you.
& I mean it. All of it.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Deception, Dysfunction, and Disappointment
So, again, jealousy combined with boredom, (courtesy of your sad life), has resulted in your moronic accusatory behavior. You make absolutely no sense. You would think though, that two heads are better than one, but somehow everything cancelled out and it all jumbled out incomprehensively in the style of an uneducated teenager.
The truth is, you can turn everything into something dysfunctional if you try hard enough. You can spend your days dwelling on all the ways we all screw up, or you can accept life's imperfections and move on to the good stuff. Can you not? I'm ready. I'm sick of deception and dysfunction coming from you. It's been with you for too long.
I know that you're not angry about anything, you're just getting tired of your life (or your lack thereof), so you stir old issues up in hopes of bringing some form of excitement into your life.
I genuinely pity you. I do...but I think now that we're in college, it would be a good time for you to let it go. High school is done and over with, is all that nonsense really worth digging up? I mean is your life really that pathetic? We've all graduated, most of us grow up and move on, while others just....don't...
It's sad, really, but what can I do? I can't do much because I don't care at all. All I can say is thanks for the laugh. But really, stop making such a fool out of yourself.
The truth is, you can turn everything into something dysfunctional if you try hard enough. You can spend your days dwelling on all the ways we all screw up, or you can accept life's imperfections and move on to the good stuff. Can you not? I'm ready. I'm sick of deception and dysfunction coming from you. It's been with you for too long.
I know that you're not angry about anything, you're just getting tired of your life (or your lack thereof), so you stir old issues up in hopes of bringing some form of excitement into your life.
I genuinely pity you. I do...but I think now that we're in college, it would be a good time for you to let it go. High school is done and over with, is all that nonsense really worth digging up? I mean is your life really that pathetic? We've all graduated, most of us grow up and move on, while others just....don't...
It's sad, really, but what can I do? I can't do much because I don't care at all. All I can say is thanks for the laugh. But really, stop making such a fool out of yourself.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
